When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. - Hunter S. Thompson

18 July 2008

Every American family deserves a false sense of security

The Onion one-ups the Wall Street Journal and Financial Times with this piece:
A panel of top business leaders testified before Congress about the worsening recession Monday, demanding the government provide Americans with a new irresponsible and largely illusory economic bubble in which to invest.

"What America needs right now is not more talk and long-term strategy, but a concrete way to create more imaginary wealth in the very immediate future," said Thomas Jenkins, CFO of the Boston-area Jenkins Financial Group, a bubble-based investment firm. "We are in a crisis, and that crisis demands an unviable short-term solution."


"Every American family deserves a false sense of security," said Chris Reppto, a risk analyst for Citigroup in New York. "Once we have a bubble to provide a fragile foundation, we can begin building pyramid scheme on top of pyramid scheme, and before we know it, the financial situation will return to normal."
Sometimes satirists have a much better handle on the truth than reporters.

Recession-Plagued Nation Demands New Bubble To Invest In (The Onion)

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